A day in the life

=D

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 00:05:45 -0400

Pre-fine arts thought.

Tue, 19 Apr 2011 23:39:13 -0400

I’m at peace.

Whatever You want to throw at me, it’s up to You.

P.S. I should probably start packing.

In two days...

Sun, 17 Apr 2011 23:35:26 -0400

God if you can hear me out alright
Please take these feelings for her inside
My chest hurts when I breathe tonight
It’s wasting me away (You’re wasting me away)
You’re wasting me away…

This our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends.

…I have to tell myself that it’s over and there’s no chance. I don’t understand why my thoughts still go out to you. I shouldn’t be wondering if you’re doing okay or why you never responded to my email. I just need to realize that nothing is ever going to change…and that even so it’s going to be okay.

...

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 23:22:32 -0400

Sometimes, no news isn’t better than bad news.

did u know that i stalk u in your sleep? >: ) RAWR! hehehe <3

Sun, 06 Feb 2011 23:14:34 -0500

Creepy? haha

The next chapter.

Sat, 08 Jan 2011 01:49:07 -0500

It’s crazy how life dramatically changes in some aspects as time passes…

…yet in other areas, it continues on the same as it did yesterday, a week ago, three months ago, and a year ago.

A year ago…

…I was a cripple who could barely get around the house. Trust me, it would’ve been quite amusing to see me try to carry…eh hem…slide a tray of food into the living room. Life was definitely a lot more challenging, and I realize how much we take the everyday way of life for granted.

…I had a crush on someone I really shouldn’t have.

…I began to learn how to cook a little bit.

…I expected to graduate in summer, yet plans were dramatically changed.

…I was humbled in a big way…in a lot of areas of my life. In 2009, I felt on top of the world. I had lots of successes and God worked through me in some amazing ways. I felt like I could do anything. But 2010…nothing could prepare me for 2010. Here’s a list of the craziness that happened:

1. Broke my fibula. Couldn’t walk for three months. Almost had to have surgery.

2. Both my parents had to have surgery in the first few months. My dad is STILL trying to get his health insurance to cover some of the bills.

3. Oh, and my grandmother had to have surgery, too.

4. I had to wait another semester to graduate = senioritis + more loans.

5. I had to back off on a lot of commitments I made, and I hated that. SGA, fine arts…all of them had to take a back seat to healing.

6. My car got destroyed when someone rear-ended me, just as I was entering the last month of my car loan. Now, I’m back in auto debt with a new vehicle.

7. Couldn’t find a job for the first half of summer. Had no idea how I was gonna pay my bills.

8. Air conditioning broke. It was like 88 degrees in my house for four or five days.

I could keep going. My whole 2010 was just one incident after another. Not that I had the worst life or anything, but it was a very trying time. Yet, God was still faithful. He brought people into my life to support me during these times and has been very faithful. At the end of 2010, God brought forth another one of those miracle moments - something I absolutely had no power to accomplish on my own. It really felt like a David vs. Goliath situation. I can honestly say I didn’t approach the giant with courage like David did, but God used conquered it nonetheless.

Needless to say, a lot of things are about perspective. As I approach 2011, this next chapter in my life, I want to keep God by my side in the good times and bad. This week, I’m going to compile a list of goals that I’d like to do this year. Stay tuned, tumblr folk.

Oh, humans...

Fri, 10 Dec 2010 15:12:46 -0500

It’s sad how we let something petty drive a wedge in a great friendship. We all do it.

Letter to her.

Tue, 07 Dec 2010 23:34:53 -0500

Dear _______,

I just wanted to let you know that you’re amazing. When I see you speak, you truly have a passion for the heart of God. It’s a love that’s infectious and it makes me want to do things greater than myself. I see limitless potential in your life…if you continue to be the way you are, you can touch so many lives with your grace and compassion. You are real. You are genuine. You are wonderful.

I’m sure you won’t ever see this. But, I want you to know that I’m praying for you, every day. I’m praying for you to become the best you can be. I’m praying you continue to discern and that you don’t lose your love for people. I’m praying that God gives you strength through any and every circumstance you face. I’m praying that you’re brave through the hard times, and that you constantly praise Jesus for the good. I’m praying that God continues to develop you into the masterpiece that you are and are becoming.

Sincerely,

Fin.

Fri, 19 Nov 2010 02:30:00 -0500

Fin.

Ahhhhh.

Thu, 18 Nov 2010 23:41:35 -0500

I am crazy. I cannot believe I just did that.

No one can ever accuse me of not taking risks.

Simple checklist...

Thu, 11 Nov 2010 13:59:33 -0500

She…

loves God - Check!

is super fun to talk to - Check!

is wise - Check!

has musical talent - Check!

is beautiful - Check!

is into Human Video - Check!

likes Rock Band - Check!

doesn’t take forever to respond - Check!

has a clear head on her shoulders - Check!

knows how to spell my name correctly - …

…no one is perfect.

=)

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 23:29:45 -0500

Best 30 minutes of my semester.

Daydreaming for dummies.

Sun, 07 Nov 2010 20:21:20 -0500

So, this past semester, one of my friends was talking about how they wrote a song. Basically, it’s about daydreaming. You catch eyes with someone and you think how life would be like if you were to be with them. Idk, I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

I just can’t shake this feeling that life would be pretty nifty with you more actively involved in my life. But for the life of me, I simply cannot come to tell you how I feel. I don’t know why. Fear? Rejection? I wanted to tell you this past week. Well, not tell you per se. But I was going to ask you to grab hot chocolate with me or something. I don’t know if it’s a good idea. But, mind made up, I waited to see your smiling face and tell you hello, my heart stricken with fear.

Oh, how I hate it when plans change. Different routes after class cause one more week where I can envision how this is all going to go wrong and disappoint. One more week for me to cast doubt in myself and be afraid of the outcome.

But, God has not given us a spirit of fear; rather, of power, love and a sound mind.

I have NO freakin clue of how this is going to turn out. And if you’ve been following any of my other posts, uncertainty is my biggest struggle. I hate it, more than anything else in this world. But God is not uncertain. God knows exactly how this is going to play out, for better or for worse. And he’s got everything under control.

Two years from now I’ll look back at this moment and laugh, and realize what God’s known all along.

Time to find out what that is.

I don't need a soul...

Thu, 28 Oct 2010 03:02:41 -0400

Yeah, I don’t need a soul to hold.

Without you, I’m still whole;

You and life remain beautiful.

Okay, so I’ve pretty much given up on any hopeful chance that you’re going to come into my life. It’s a shame; I think if you had gotten to know me, we would have clicked so well. Coming out of this, I still think you’re amazing…and I think maybe this is a missed opportunity. OR…maybe this is for the best. I really have to buckle down in the next few weeks. I can’t believe that I’m almost done with college. So weird. It’s a little scary, to be honest, that all the wonderful people in my life may be miles and miles away come January. Whereas a hug or smile made my day, a text message will now have to do. Tis no good at all. So maybe it’s a good thing that you haven’t noticed me. The happiness of having you near me would be crippled with a potential distance, and it might make breaking away from this area much harder to bear. I still hope to find options to stick around, but they’re up in the air.

God knows my heart and plans…these plans that seem to have no validity behind them. He knows how I struggle heading towards this proficiency test. Part of me truly believes that I cannot overcome this. Lucky for me, Jesus has already overcome it, and I pray that he will allow us to work together on this one so that I can do the impossible. He knows how my desire is to remain in Phoenixville after graduation; yet, it is comforting to know that God isn’t freaking out. He doesn’t have to worry if I’ll be in the right place come January, because it’s all going according to plan. HIS plan.

So while I freak out about girls, piano, confronting people when I don’t want to, finances, etc, God is just relaxing up above sipping a Sunkist. That’s how I see it, anyway.

Guess I’ll try to relax and have one myself.

Undecided.

Wed, 13 Oct 2010 00:25:50 -0400

I’m either extremely crazy, extremely foolish, or extremely brilliant.

I just haven’t figured out which one yet.

A thought to end fall break...

Mon, 11 Oct 2010 22:54:54 -0400

Don’t you just LOVE it when people decide to stop talking to you for no reason at all? I mean, not the little fight kind of things…I mean, absolutely no reason at all. Your last communication with this person is not just good, but a really enjoyable conversation. and then, they just never talk to you again. They finally get a facebook, and they reject your friend request. Again, for no apparent reason. What gives?

That is all.

Jesus, Thanks for never abandoning me, no matter how silly I get.

Fri, 08 Oct 2010 02:46:08 -0400

Jesus,

Thanks for never abandoning me, no matter how silly I get.

My life is an on-going war. Bravery vs. Intelligence.

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 21:19:31 -0400

My life is an on-going war.

Bravery vs. Intelligence.

Lost causes.

Sun, 12 Sep 2010 19:07:57 -0400

I feel like everything I try to touch this week is turning to dust and melting away. I try so hard, but it doesn’t matter.

I try to help, and I find myself helpless.

I try to stand up for what I believe in, and I feel stood up.

I try to be light, and I’m left in the dark.

I think, and I’m considered thoughtless.

I feel like the patron saint of lost causes.

A musical response to - Half-empty or Half-empty?

Fri, 10 Sep 2010 01:24:29 -0400

Tonight, God laid this song from Wavorly on my heart while pondering the thoughts of earlier. I don’t know exactly what this encompasses, but I’ll think on it.

As I’m building up this house
I wonder what of it will stay
It seems You just take things away
And I’ll admit I shouldn’t say these things
But I have got to hear from You somehow
Does this have a point to it?
God, I wish I could hear You
You said You’d help me through this
I wish You didn’t have to

Why did You take this away? I wanted it
Show me that there is no need to be afraid
Can I move on now that it’s gone?

As I travel down this road
I wonder if I should turn home
All this time I’ve felt alone
My head in my hands
Where were You when I was in need?
And I look back to find You chasing me
Sometimes I try and I miss the point of it
It’s about time we die…we’re not down here for us

Why did You take this away? I wanted it
Show me that there is no need to be afraid
Can I move on now that it’s gone?

As You’re tearing down this house
There is only one thing I can say
I’m so glad You take away
And I’ll admit things worked out for the good
And it’s about time I understood.