I’m at peace.
Whatever You want to throw at me, it’s up to You.
P.S. I should probably start packing.
God if you can hear me out alright
Please take these feelings for her inside
My chest hurts when I breathe tonight
It’s wasting me away (You’re wasting me away)
You’re wasting me away…
This our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends.
…I have to tell myself that it’s over and there’s no chance. I don’t understand why my thoughts still go out to you. I shouldn’t be wondering if you’re doing okay or why you never responded to my email. I just need to realize that nothing is ever going to change…and that even so it’s going to be okay.
It’s crazy how life dramatically changes in some aspects as time passes…
…yet in other areas, it continues on the same as it did yesterday, a week ago, three months ago, and a year ago.
A year ago…
…I was a cripple who could barely get around the house. Trust me, it would’ve been quite amusing to see me try to carry…eh hem…slide a tray of food into the living room. Life was definitely a lot more challenging, and I realize how much we take the everyday way of life for granted.
…I had a crush on someone I really shouldn’t have.
…I began to learn how to cook a little bit.
…I expected to graduate in summer, yet plans were dramatically changed.
…I was humbled in a big way…in a lot of areas of my life. In 2009, I felt on top of the world. I had lots of successes and God worked through me in some amazing ways. I felt like I could do anything. But 2010…nothing could prepare me for 2010. Here’s a list of the craziness that happened:
1. Broke my fibula. Couldn’t walk for three months. Almost had to have surgery.
2. Both my parents had to have surgery in the first few months. My dad is STILL trying to get his health insurance to cover some of the bills.
3. Oh, and my grandmother had to have surgery, too.
4. I had to wait another semester to graduate = senioritis + more loans.
5. I had to back off on a lot of commitments I made, and I hated that. SGA, fine arts…all of them had to take a back seat to healing.
6. My car got destroyed when someone rear-ended me, just as I was entering the last month of my car loan. Now, I’m back in auto debt with a new vehicle.
7. Couldn’t find a job for the first half of summer. Had no idea how I was gonna pay my bills.
8. Air conditioning broke. It was like 88 degrees in my house for four or five days.
I could keep going. My whole 2010 was just one incident after another. Not that I had the worst life or anything, but it was a very trying time. Yet, God was still faithful. He brought people into my life to support me during these times and has been very faithful. At the end of 2010, God brought forth another one of those miracle moments - something I absolutely had no power to accomplish on my own. It really felt like a David vs. Goliath situation. I can honestly say I didn’t approach the giant with courage like David did, but God used conquered it nonetheless.
Needless to say, a lot of things are about perspective. As I approach 2011, this next chapter in my life, I want to keep God by my side in the good times and bad. This week, I’m going to compile a list of goals that I’d like to do this year. Stay tuned, tumblr folk.
I just wanted to let you know that you’re amazing. When I see you speak, you truly have a passion for the heart of God. It’s a love that’s infectious and it makes me want to do things greater than myself. I see limitless potential in your life…if you continue to be the way you are, you can touch so many lives with your grace and compassion. You are real. You are genuine. You are wonderful.
I’m sure you won’t ever see this. But, I want you to know that I’m praying for you, every day. I’m praying for you to become the best you can be. I’m praying you continue to discern and that you don’t lose your love for people. I’m praying that God gives you strength through any and every circumstance you face. I’m praying that you’re brave through the hard times, and that you constantly praise Jesus for the good. I’m praying that God continues to develop you into the masterpiece that you are and are becoming.